Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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