my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
