i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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