Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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