I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My liver just broke up with me...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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