Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
