I wish I could teleport
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
