I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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