mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
