You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
