yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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