The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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