I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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