so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
