mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
