MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
