I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
