I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
