well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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