where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
