we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
