New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
