i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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