I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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