Umm I'm too high to move.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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