piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
