haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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