Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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