Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
