Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
