When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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