he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
