what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize