there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't turn off my feet"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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