My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
