I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
