O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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