He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
