omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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