Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
