why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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