Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
