I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They have beer where we have blood.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
