i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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