Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
