After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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