Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
