I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
