Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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