Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
