my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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