There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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