Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
