that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
