Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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