If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
