soooo we both peed the bed last night...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
