dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize