You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
