I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
