The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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