The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
