The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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