KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
