quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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