You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
