why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm too high and old for this...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
