When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
