Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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