I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
