literally had 100 drinks last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
